On three occasions this year my body yelled at me to stop, the most recent just last week on Christmas Eve, once I knew everything that needed to be was done (of course), and my back seized up without warning.
The two previous occasions this happened, I went straight back to the same pace afterwards and did nothing to change how I was doing things. This time, however, perhaps it's the time of year, as I lie in bed, feeling restless and impatient, unable to focus, something changed.
Today I stop trying.
I lie there.
The window is open on a cold day. There is frost, still, in the shade, the sky that impossible, perfect winter blue that falls away to milkyness at it's hem, golden sun skimming the tips of the trees, rooftops, hills, as somewhere on the other side of the house I know it's already melting into the mountains.
Downstairs music hums indistinctly up through the floorboards, an upbeat, sunny, somewhat dated sound, and I lie and listen to it, the sounds of Jay humming along, pottering, moving around the house.
The quiet house.
I realise I need to change things. I realise that there is no coincidence to the articles that have come my way over the last few days as I finally find the time to read, (some of which I have linked to below) and yes, this reflective time between the years does call for something of a review, doesn't it?
One phrase that leaps out at me in my reading is 'Busyness is a decision.' This stops me in my tracks. I realise I must take responsibility for the choices I make, the too many yeses and the not enough nos. In the chaotic, difficult year that was 2014, I now see how frenetic, and actually quite manic, I had become, the troubles of the world becoming my own, and the feeling of being overwhelmed by it all just became my State of Being. I think this is probably what happens to a lot of people who stop and look at the reality of the world we live in. How do I live a sustainable life? How do I feed my family healthfully? How do I educate my children? How do I ensure their experience is as real and healthful as it can possibly be? How do I practice right livelihood, with full responsibility? How on earth can we ever reverse or stop this hellbound capitalist consumerist roller coaster....! You see where I was? Yep.
All of this, though, made certain things happen. Wonderful things. Things which are the cornerstones of some really amazing, significant presences in my life now, which you will be hearing more about here, as we strive to simplify and reduce, to make sense of this modern life.
So, here we are at the end of this year, and about to start a new one, and for the first time in an age I am approaching it in the spirit of New Beginnings, because I have to. It's time. Time to take all the good stuff and bring it together. Time to refocus.
I stopped blogging over on Milkmoon, in part because my life had changed so much that it didn't fit any more, but also because I didn't know what the focus was. But now I do. And it's that there kind of isn't one. There is just Life, and me muddling my way through and figuring it out as I go.
I hope some of you join me, join the conversation, add your voice. For the most important task ahead of us is communion. Finding Common+Unity and building a new global Community together.
Some recent Reading of Great Inspiration: